No Welding This Time. Sigh.

We're getting closer. Actually, as you read this the bike is officially done. It's just gonna take at least 2 more posts to cover it all.

This is the official list of new parts I just had to buy. Two 27 inch tires, two 27 inch tubes, two rubber tube protectors (the guy at the bike shop called them spoke condoms. He's a funny guy) and a set of cables. The pedals pictured are off my wife's Gary Fisher but it turned out they wouldn't fit (wrong size threads) so I went with the set off the donor frame. I also stole her old seat.

Total? $30.00.

Remember the cruiser handlebars off the donor frame? Remember how I said I was a cheap bastard? You do? Good cause I decided to straighten them, cut them off and make a flat bar out of them.

I absolutely love power tools. The real reason I did this project was just to justify owning them. I heated them up with my trusty oxy/acetylene torch and bent (And hammered. Let's not forget the hammering) them more or less straight then cut em down to a more human size.

I got this. A little bumpy but they'll work just fine and look okay once I get the brakes and shifter mounted. I hope.
Of course I couldn't do this alone. I did have some expert help. They're taking a break here. Just before this shot they were all over that bike, slobbering on things and generally making themselves useful.

The frame needed some final finishing. I decided to smooth some rough edges with Fast Steel and a sander.

It's not fast and it's not steel but it is harder than bondo so...

Cut off a chunk.
Knead it to mix in the hardener.
And spread it on. You have about 15 minutes so you know, no hurry. BTW, fingers make great putty knives.

Time to sand. Woo Hoo, more power tools!

Frame's done. Time to paint. The missus had some very nice blue paint in the shed and there was plenty for the project so I....appropriated it. And hey! It's Rustoleum.

The fork. Please ignore that original yellow. The frame covers that up. I swear. I actually checked this time.

The frame. Does my ass really look like that? Maybe it's just the camera angle. Yeah, that's it.

All the parts together in one place. Can you feel the excitement? I was still certain I was going to be able to use those pedals. Without checking to be sure. Hey, everyone is wrong occasionally.
The wheels. I started out thinking I'd replace all the spokes. Yeah...not. Real budget buster. The funny bike guy said forget it. Just tighten them and let it go. So, new plan. Polish the rims and paint everything else.

This time I got some real help. Isn't she cute? Thanks sweetie!

Painted the hubs but still not looking too good. Gonna have to go further. Words to send a sane man screaming. Luckily, I'm not sane.
Taping off the rims. Are we having fun yet?
Ready for painting. Hubs, spokes, gears. I painted everything.

And hey! It's a wheel. Whadda ya think?
I'm going to post the final assembly and test ride later this week but here's a teaser.

The frame with the newly painted and tire shod wheels mounted.

Is it looking like an actual bike?

Will it work and ride?

Is this all just an exercise in humiliation?

Tune in next week for the final installment of Insane Crazy Welder Boy and find out.

More Frame And wheels

Ok, Insane Crazy Welder Boy here with more proof of my insanity. This is all Doohickie's fault. I swear.

The paint and sanding Faeries apparently decided to skip my house this week so I was forced to do the job myself.

First up, getting rid of the old paint on the frame. Tools? Wire wheel on the air grinder. Heh heh. I love power tools.

I decided on this versus sanding because of all that rust. Remember, this is a mild steel frame, not aluminum. The rust was mostly surface but needed a firm hand. You gotta let that rust know who's the boss or it'll walk all over you. Look, the crazy man is wearing eye protection again. Proving even crazy people have some sense.

It works very well though. Besides, it's all kinds of fun! See the cool work table? I made it out of a bar stool and a concrete paver. Yep, I'm that guy.

Of course there are some minor drawbacks to this method. See that wire? That's one of the wires from the wheel and it's embedded in my right forearm. I also got some in my face and all over my clothes. I looked like a metal porcupine. Propriety precluded taking a picture of the ones in my face. Besides, I couldn't figure out how to aim at my face without being able to see through the camera. I need to take up yoga apparently.

Here's a closer look at that repair, looking down on it from above. See? Rough but mostly straight. Mostly. It should be strong and that's all I care about so there.

All done with the paint removal and down to the bare frame. Have I mentioned I've never done this on a bicycle before? I have? It shows? Darn it.
I decided I needed to paint the bare frame, to get an idea where the problem areas were and to protect it from further rust. Yep, that's a can of OSH enamel. I had it on my shelf. It's cheap, sandable and covers well. This might be the final color. Unless I run out and have to find something else. I've gotta keep the costs down remember and that means using what I have wherever I can.

Really, I'm just cheap.

It needs a final sand, especially around the repaired area, but not too bad if I do say so myself and apparently I have to. Certainly no one sane person would.

The wheels were badly rusted. I thought I was going to have to replace them but the rust was all on the surface. I was able to power buff most of it off. I'll try the trick Doohickie gave me with lemon juice and aluminum foil for a final polish but I think they're definitely salvageable.

Hey, there's a wheel there! Now if only the hubs were going to be that easy. Sigh.

I didn't get to the worst, the rusty derailleur, crank set and the chain. I think all are history but remember that other frame I have? The one I hate? Yeah, it's got a good chain, derailleur and crank set. It's a single chain ring but beggars can't be choosers. Everything fits and I'm pretty sure the donor bike won't care.

Even if it does. Have I mentioned I hate that frame?

Challenge Accepted

A while back Doohickey told me that I wasn't a real mechanic until I fixed a bicycle I found in the dumpster. That challenge has been percolating around in the back of my head for a while now so I kept my eye out for a suitable candidate.

Well, I found it. It wasn't in the dumpster. We found it abandoned on one of the trails we ride on old Ft. Ord. My wife said "sure, go for it" with a knowing smirk on her face. Yeah, it's going to be bandaid time around here shortly.

It's a Schwinn World Traveler and it's best days were in the 70's. 1870's if it's condition is any indication. Still, a challenge has been issued and accepted. Let the swearing begin.

Uh, is that frame bent? Well, maybe just a bit.... It looks like that old Bond villian Jaws tried to take a bite out of it.

Broken and basically completely trashed thin tube aluminum handlebars? Check.

Rust? Check, check, check aaaand check!

Ok. This is the plan. I'm going to try my best to make this an actually working bicycle. One that rides, shifts and everything. I'm not promising it'll be pretty but I'll do my best and it will work. I'm going to keep track of my expenses (bandaids will not be calculated into the final cost). I need to keep it as cheap as possible to stay within the (self imposed) rules of the challenge. I will need tires, tubes and a chain. Probably handlebars (but I've got some ideas about that). Other than that I think I can salvage everything else.

Cost so far: Spoke - $1.00.

Next up: The bent axle/big hammer confrontation.

Stay tuned. This could be a disaster.

The Thing

Ok. I'm back. Thanks to everyone for realizing that this last week or so was a bit difficult. But it's time to get back to life.


I'm a father and like any father I dearly love my child. We all know we're supposed to love and cherish our children but there's something else we are supposed to do.

Make fun of them from time to time. It's good for them and hey, if you can't point and laugh at family who can you do it to?

I present for your comedic consideration The Van. When Jen went haring off to Hungary (the land of The Huns you know) she left us her van. Now, for those of you who have or ever had small children this without a doubt comes as no surprise to you.

Parents have better things to do than constantly keep up on the cleanliness of their various Child Transportation Conveyances. Hence, the state of hygiene of The Van. I decided to drive The Van around a bit. You know, keep the fluids flowing, keep the tires round and see what she's got. (Hint; It's a van, she don't got much). During the ride I noticed a certain....odour. I noticed it as it crept up from the back and started beating me about the head. It was piquant with a full bouquet and just a tang of baby vomit. And is that a hint of spilled milk mixed with the musky remnants of a full diaper? Why yes, I believe it is. So, with head firmly out the drivers window, I felt it might be time to maybe do some Spring Cleaning. In February. Hey, you take Spring where you find it.

I present you proof that small children are in fact wanna be chipmunks. This is my granddaughters seat. Where her car seat goes. We found this after removing said car seat.

If you look closely you can find all kinds of goodies in there. Nuts, M&M's, cracker remnants and various bits unidentifiable as actual food. Hey, is that a pretzel?

This is my grandson's side.

Please note that there is actually considerably less food like items on the boys side. Is it because he's just naturally neater than the girl? Did he get fed less? Did the cleaning fairies start on his side first? Um, no. Rather it's either because he seldom let anything slip past his always ravening hunger or he was busy fishing around down there for a snack. I'm voting for that second one. That boy is always looking for something to eat.

This is the floor mats directly in front of the kids' seat.


Jen wisely chose a mat with little indentations to catch whatever fell down there. Each of those indentations, cups if you will, was packed with to the top with...stuff. It was compressed to the consistency of concrete. I took the mat out and threw it on the ground upside down. Then I beat on it with a broom. When I turned it over again not one single molecule of this....stuff had fallen out. It required a jackhammer and industrial strength solvent to clean. Well, I exaggerate. It was only Muriatic Acid.

This was the rear of The Van, in a secret compartment behind the rear seats. Hey Jen, is that wrapping paper? Heh, heh, heh.




So, why the rip off of a reasonably good and pretty darn frightening Kurt Russel movie for the title to this post?

I think something is alive in The Van. After cleaning it to within an inch of my life I decided to drive it again. As I drove I could have sworn I saw something move. Out of the corner of my eye. When I turned it was gone but was that the tip of a tentacle disappearing under the floor mats I saw? I dismissed it but later I swear I felt something brush the back of my neck. You know, where the alien sticks it's tendril to suck out your brain and take over your body? You know? Like that.

I screamed like a politician facing a runoff election and piled out of The Van. I fired 3 quick rounds into the floorboard. I think it was 3. It might have been 15. I was a little spooked. (Don't worry Jen. The holes are barely noticeable. Sorry about that). When the smoke cleared I saw....nothing. We've set off several Febreeze bombs but I'm pretty sure I saw movement in there again yesterday.

I parked The Van and there it remains. I am startled. I am so, so startled.

Could it be true? Can the leavings from kids snacks, combined with sleep drool, spilled juice and the smell of overripe diapers actually create life?

I don't know but I'm not going in there again without Kurt and a flamethrower.

Jen, when are you coming home????

eric